Date: Saturday, July 27, 2024
Venue: Moody Center
Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone else in the spectrum of fabulousness, gather 'round! For we witnessed a concert so electrifying, so out-of-this-world, that even the stars in the sky were like, “Damn, Janet!”
Janet Jackson, the woman who single-handedly made us question if our dance moves were just a tad bit less awesome than hers (spoiler alert: they definitely are), graced the stage with an energy that could only be described as "NASA-level propulsion." The woman does not just perform; she conducts a masterclass in how to bring the house down—literally. I think I saw one of the ceiling tiles quiver in awe.
Forget fireworks. Forget smoke machines. Janet Jackson entered the stage like she was stepping into a Vogue cover shoot—only with more sequins and even more sass. The audience collectively gasped and then proceeded to scream in a way that was not entirely dissimilar to how a hive of bees might react if they were suddenly confronted with a honey buffet.
The setlist was a nostalgia rollercoaster. From “Control” to “Rhythm Nation,” every song was performed with a level of precision that made us question if Janet Jackson had secretly been augmented with some form of futuristic technology. At one point, I was convinced she had installed a “Stop Time” button on her mic stand. I looked around to see if anyone else was seeing this, but they were too busy trying to recreate her dance moves while simultaneously clutching their hearts.
Let’s talk about the choreography. If Janet Jackson ever decided to run for President, her campaign slogan would be: “Making Every Other Dance Move Obsolete.” Each routine was so slick, so flawless, that it made the floor of the dance floor feel like a crime scene—because all the lesser moves were absolutely getting murdered.
Janet’s wardrobe was a sight to behold. Her outfits changed faster than you can say “Rhythm Nation,” each more dazzling than the last. At one point, I’m pretty sure she came out dressed as a shimmering constellation, and I’m not saying she was glowing, but my sunglasses were left on for the entire show.
When Janet spoke to the crowd, it wasn’t just talking; it was like getting a personal pep talk from your coolest aunt. She had the room in stitches, making jokes and giving shoutouts that felt as genuine as a high-five from your best friend. There was a moment when she asked if we were ready to party, and the only appropriate response was to scream like we were being handed lifetime passes to every amusement park ever.
As the night drew to a close, Janet came back for the encore. But let’s be real, the only thing she needed to do was walk out and say, “Thanks, goodnight,” and that would have been enough. Instead, she gave us one last blast of dazzling performances that left us all wondering if we had just witnessed the musical equivalent of a celestial event.
So here’s the deal: If you didn’t catch Janet Jackson’s concert last week, I’m sorry, but you missed out on witnessing an event that will be discussed in hushed, reverent tones for generations to come. I’m now in therapy trying to deal with the fact that I will never be able to dance like Janet Jackson. But hey, at least I can brag about having seen the living legend herself, and for that, I’ll be eternally grateful.
Until next time, Janet. Keep on being the icon you are and remember, we’re all still trying to catch up.